Seriously?

Kids keep getting boozed at America's chain restaurants:

-A 15 month old got a Margarita at an Applebees.

-A 2 year old got Sangria at an Olive Garden.

-A 4 year old got a "Mudslide" at a Chili's.

What up?

I'll tell you what. No one knows how to drink properly anymore.

What ever happened to a nice shot of whiskey? A stiff martini? A Scotch on the rocks? There's no way to accidentally serve a toddler one of those.

Not only is the way we drink messing with our kids, it's disrespectful.

Do you think that after our forefathers went to all the trouble of forging a new nation, they got together at an Outback for Daiquiris? I don't think so.

It was Cognac by the fire and you know it.

They knew how to drink like men. And so should we. (Yes, even if we're women. Wha.)

But the way most Americans drink is way more Ghetto than Gettysburg. (And I don't mean ghetto in the Elvis song kind of way, I mean it in the low-classy-pain-in-the-assy way - which has nothing to do with geography, race or economics.)

It's more like Britney Spears, barreling out of a Starbucks, weave exposed, last night's makeup smeared down to her filthy blouse and a sundae (disguised as coffee) in her busted-manicured hand.

That's not coffee! And where are your kids?

Probably at a Red Lobster sucking down Pina Coladas.

Oi.

Come on, America, class it up. Steer clear of the chains, make dinner at home, crack open a lovely bottle of wine and model for your kids how to drink (and eat) like civilized people.

It's safer, healthier and would make our founding fathers proud...and as Franklin might say, "If you don't have to make a trip to the ER after dinner, it will save you some Benjamins."

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