I love the Sports section?

Okay so lately I've been noticing that the first section I select from the morning paper is...

The Sports section! 

I know. It's crazy. I'm all girl.(I checked.) There is nothing down there that is undescended or scratch-worthy, and certainly nothing that could get me into trouble if I were alone in a movie theater. Honest to Pete. (Or Peter).

So what gives? 

I'll tell you what. It's the mom in me. The protector. The one whose radar goes off when someone gets hurt, then wants to rush in, fix the boo-boo and hand over a cookie. (Gluten free, of course.) 

When I pick up the sports section, I'm not looking for scores or standings or information that will help me choose a fantasy roster. I'm wondering things like:

How is that new Twins second baseman doing?(Yeah, I know the Twins have a new second baseman.) But I didn't until he broke his femur. Now I know exactly who he is, what he looks like, and that he is the most upstanding gentleman in pro sports. (He apologized to his coach for breaking his leg!) If I had his mom's address, I'd send her a note. I even call him 'Elvis' because of his hair. I have a nickname for the Twins second baseman!

Say what now?

I also want to get to the bottom of Joe Mauer's infection. Are we sure that's what we're dealing with? (Notice how "we" includes me?) Did we leave no stone unturned? Has he been exposed to any freaky allergens on those grody airplanes he's always flying on? What is his medical history? Does he know a naturopathic doctor? I do. And I want him to see her. I'm not kidding. This stuff nags at me!

And don't even get me started on Percy Harvin. I know why he has migraines, and if he would just come and stay with mama (me) for a couple of months - it's maternal, so back off - I could fix him right up. I don't want him taking all those unhealthy meds that are just going to cause more problems, hide the clues to the real problems and make the poor dear sicker. As far as I know, he is still suffering with those awful headaches and it makes me crazy. I mean it really bothers me. I can't tell you much about his game, or his background or even his position...Receiver? But I know he gets owies on his wittle head and I want to help.

So, I guess what I really love isn't so much the Sports section, as the people in the Sports section who need their mommy. Their self-anointed, non-birth, health-obsessed mommy.

Maybe you think that's weird?

Maybe you should take some vitamin D, eat leafy greens and get more sleep?

Mommy's gonna go read the paper.

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