This needs to stop now

Or I'm going to commit redrum.

Winter finally got to me this morning.

I had my day all laid out and was on track to keep everything moving in a positive direction when...

(INSERT LOUD EXPLETIVE HERE)

...As I walked outside to start my car, I came face-to-face with a huge, dense pile of bullsh*t at the end of my driveway, compliments of a snow plow.

After being in the kitchen for two hours, preparing a healthy breakfast and packing a healthy lunch for my boys before driving them to school (it takes time when you're anti Cheetos and Toaster Strudel.) the only way I could get through the snow pile was by attack...with swear-shoveling. (Something my dad taught me. )

You plunge the shovel into the pile and curse the crap out of it. Like so:

You son of a @#$!-ing, mother @#$!-ing, @$#!

You angrily insert the shovel and throw with equal enthusiasm during the @#$! parts. It really works. Especially when each shovel-full feels like an ACME anvil is buried inside.

It was brutal and I had to be quick because I didn't want to make my boys late, so the added anxiety made me cry too. Pretty.

I wasn't prepared to be outdoors at the time. (Just doing the daily start-the-car run) I was in my jammie pants, a tiny hoodie and Ugg boots, but no hat or gloves. My rage kept me warm, though.

And I managed to remove just enough @#$! snow to ram my truck through it in reverse.

The boys got to school on time, although they had to endure my Dennis Hopper hushed intensity the whole way, and they respectfully (or wisely) behaved like perfect gentlemen.

Later I made an appointment to get a massage (and I'm not a massage person. I don't like strangers touching me while whispering-EEEW) but after shoveling 6 times in the last 48 hours, I felt like I had been carrying a piano around over my head for two days. (I hadn't been. So it must have been the shoveling.)

The massage didn't help.

I'm still sore but now I'm creeped out and I smell like Ylang Ylang. Awesome.

I'm gonna go take a shower to wash off the feeling of violation and Spring better be here when I get out if it knows what's good for it.

How was your Tuesday?

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