Dude, get a purse.

Guys, if you would be too humiliated to carry a leather bag, is hauling stuff around inside your anal cavity really a less embarrassing alternative?

Neil Lansig of Sarasota Florida thinks so. After his Drug Court hearing last week, he was sentenced to some jail time. Then, during a routine strip search, SURPRISE, deputies found an actual butt load of stuff in his butt.

And the items were:

-17 pills

-6 matches

-one cigarette

-one flint (?)

-lip balm

-a receipt

-a syringe

-a condom

-a CVS coupon (I love that one)

I guess the contents make sense for a guy with his lifestyle, but can't you get most of that junk in the joint?

Not sure, but what I do know is that it reinforces my stance on NOT SHARING LIP BALM. You clearly never know where it has been.

And how did Neil intend to redeem that coupon? I know when I'm in line at the drug store and I can't find something in my purse, I get really stressed out and apologetic. "Sorry." I'll say to the people behind me. "I really have to clean this thing out." Would Neil say the same thing as he dug around in his dugout?

Is that why some guys wear their pants slung so low? Booty-purse-access?

Will Louis Vuitton capitalize on this trendsetter's idea and create a line of tiny clutches?

Perhaps.

In the meantime, I'd suggest that purse-shy guys use a briefcase, a lunchbox, heck, even a Target bag will do. Because if you're trying to avoid ridicule by hiding stuff in your hole, I'm afraid you'll get it in the end.

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