I'm no feminist

I prefer when women are a little more subtle about their fierceness.

I understand that I owe feminism a lot.

These days women get to be smart and confident and independent and they don't have to apologize for it. Oh, and we can vote.

I'm not making light of any of the above, I just want to point out that I think there may be a downside to feminism...like everything...and this morning I saw it.

Male feminism.

See, it snowed here last night. A lot. And this morning I had to get out there and shovel. No problem. I'm healthy and strong and able-bodied. It's a lot of work, but I do it a dozen times every winter. It's just part of living in the upper midwest.

But while I was shoveling, this guy showed up to pick up a package from me.

A big package.

And just before he arrived, I quickly shoveled a narrow path up my front steps so that the guy could easily retrieve the package, which was right inside my front door. I did't want to take the package outside because it would have gotten all snowy. So I left it just inside my door, shoveled the path, done.

Not so much.

This guy gets to my house to pick up the package and while I'm knee deep in my driveway, he asks me where the package is. (Logical question. That was the purpose of his visit.) But there was no nod to what I was in the midst of. No, "Hey, you got another shovel?" Not even an attempt to step out of the plowed street and toward my house. Nothing that would show any kind of awareness that I'm the girl and he's the guy.

Or is he?

So I tell the "guy" that the package is just inside my front door and gesture toward it like, "Kinda busy. Help yourself." But instead of going to retrieve it himself, he asks one of my two boys who are helping me shovel, (he knows them well), to get the package for him!

Feminist.

I didn't know he made the request until I saw my son darting up my steps. So being more practical than bright, I yelled to my son to wait until I shoveled a wider path on my steps, so that as he dragged the package down, it didn't get soaked in snow.

What I should have said was. "Wait, kids. Let the "guy" do it. We're shoveling." But I'm someone who over-functions, so instead of thinking, I just sprang into action. Doi.

By now I was angry, but because I didn't want to express my anger in front of my kids, I just guided my son down the steps with the package and toward the "guy" who streeeeeeeetched toward it from the plowed street like it was an icky bug, grabbed it with his soft hands and put it in his trunk. Bleh.

Now this may not seem like a big deal to some people, but this stuff drives me nuts. And I see more of this blurred-gender-behavior every day.

I was talking to this awesome girl who cuts my hair about it last week. A tatooed knock-out. Part pin up girl, part graffitied building. She runs a business, owns a home, and talks like a truck driver. I love her. And I think she summed up male feminism best. "We did it." She barked. She went on to explain that after years of asking our men to show their emotions, be gentle, nurturing and let us take the reigns, that, well, they did. And now we get all bent out of shape when they don't hold doors, pay the tab or sit in the driver's seat.

Maybe.

But I know two stay-at-home-dad's (a modern job that some don't see as "manly") well, those two guys would have grabbed that shovel out of my hand so fast, I would have looked like the girl in the photo attached to this post. (The photo that has little relevance to this story. I just googled "girl shoveling" and there she was. It cracked me up. Pun intended. What do you think that day was like for her?)

PHONE RING

GIRL: Hello?

GUY: Hey Nancy, we're gonna go get some sushi. Wanna come?

PAUSE

GIRL: Darn. I can't. I have this modeling shoot...I mean, I'm going to do some charity work...for my church...yeah...but you guys have fun.

Tangent. Sorry.

So my two stay-at-home-dad friends are ALL GUY. Lots of my gay, male friends are ALL GUY.

Why aren't they feminists?

Why isn't my neighbor, who sprinted toward me with his snow-blower after the feminist left and shouted "Outta my way, kid!" and cleaned my driveway lickety split, then moved down the block before I even knew he was gone?

I don't know, but that last gesture restored my faith in humanity...or man-ity.

So if we can't blame male feminism on feminism, what is to blame? Bad genes? Fried food? Romantic comedies?

Beats me.

Maybe it's been around forever, and maybe these days the non-chivalrous, non-gentlemanly, non-guy-guys feel like they can just be who they are and they don't have to apologize for it...just like us girls.

Great.

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