This is my daughter. (No. Not actually. If Reese Witherspoon were my daughter I wouldn't be writing ads about taco chips and, tampons and adjustable beds for a living. I'd be doing yoga all day and whatever the hell else I wanted.) Anyway.
My daughter is the epitome of Elle Woods. Cute. Sweet. Pink. Big-purse-small-dog kinda girl.
And what she also has in common with Elle is...
WAIT FOR IT
...straight A's this semester! Booya!
It's great. I'm really excited for her. Super proud of her. Feel compelled to brag about her.
But mostly, I'm perplexed.
How did this happen?
She's MY kid. The product of an albiet intelligent woman but one who never, ever, ever has seen an A in her life. (Okay maybe on my bra, and in that case it's double A. SIGH.)
And what's more, all three of my kids are good students. Maybe it's their dads'? (Two dads for three kids and I even married one, so stop judging.)
Yeah. It has to be the dad genes. Because even at 44, as I take Spanish classes on my very own, with the ability to advance at my own pace...even then I flunk myself. And while the other intentional learners are earnestly trying to assess how to conjugate a verb in the present perfect tense, I earnestly imagine how awesome it would be to insert a whoopee cushion onto the teacher's chair.
What gives????
Who cares.
My princess is a smarty pants. I'm proud of her and I want one of those braggy mom bumper stickers. You know "My child is on the honor roll."
Only, my "child" is 26 and has gone back to school after an extended hiatus. What does that bumper sticker look like?
MY 26 YEAR OLD GOT STRAIGHT A'S LAST SEMESTER AT THE U OF M, BITCHES!
No. Too wordy.
How about:
MY ADULT IS SMARTER THAN YOURS!
Nah. Too competitive.
Maybe:
MY KID DIDN'T REPEAT THE CYCLE OF ILLEGITIMACY AND ALCOHOLISM. IN YOUR FACE!
I know. Oversharing.
Jeez. Headlines are my life. You'd think I'd be better at this.
Well, feel free to make some suggestions.
And remember...
Be Cool. Stay in Skool!
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