My friend Steph says that sometimes I remind her of a crabby old man trapped in a tiny girl's body. Well, I think this would be one of those times. But I just talked to her and she totally agrees with me on this one. WTF is up with this summer weather? It's fall. I want to wear cords. I want to make chili. And I especially want people to stop being so flippin' Barney-and-Friends-happy over what a "beautiful day" it is. It's October! 85 and sunny is not beautiful. It's wrong. It's creepy. It's the Truman Show.
And I should know. I lived in LA for three years. Three looooooooong years. Southern California was always like this in the fall. And I always felt like a bug under a magnifying glass. Each September I would angrily travel to some fake apple orchard or buy some excuse for a pumpkin at some excuse for a Fall Festival. Then I'd head out to search high and low for bratwurst at Ralphs or Vons. No one knew about stinkin' bratwurst in stinkin' LA. No one cared about apples or pumpkins or reality.
And apparently, no one in Minnesota does either. It seems perpetual-summer-disease (PSD) has spread to the midwest. And the worst part? I think I brought it. Like that dude flight attendant who brought AIDS to the US from Haiti. (90's reference.)
Well if I did bring PSD to MN, I'm sorry. Because fall rocks. It's the prettiest, most inspiring, most awesome season of all. If the seasons were the Jacksons, fall would be Michael. Plus, fall is essential to balance our circadian rhythym. (I totally just made that up, but I bet I'm kinda right.) I know for sure that fall is when we sleep more, eat more and make more babies. And who doesn't like sleeping, eating or babies? I'll tell you who. Los Angelinos. Eeeeeeeeeew.
Come on, Minnesota! We can fight this! PSD is only a state of mind. Fall is out there if you want it. Put on a sweater. Yes, you'll overheat but you'll probably lose some weight. You'll be porkin' out in a couple weeks anyway, so it'll give you some wiggle room in your hunting jumpsuit. Go to a football game. Any football game. Tailgate. Drink beer and carve pumpkins...but not at the same time. (I learned that the hard way.) Get a butt load of apples and make apple pies and tarts and soups and just anything with apples...and bratwurst. And if someone tells you it's a "beautiful day" kick them. Hard. In the shins. Or higher if you're limber. I'm sick of this crap. It's fall, damnit!
The crabby old man has spoken.
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My Dad is skeptical about Global Warming and always responds with "well, that's Global Warming for ya'" after I tell him about the snow fall we get during the winter. I wonder how he feels about it now that Minnesota had a March with zero snow fall; temps in the 90's and humidity in the 70's before Memorial Day; and temps in the 80's as late as October 10?
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